The Pinnacle of Pain?

So this past week was really hard for me. I woke up one day to a headline that said the president of the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE) was accused of a pay-for-sex scandal. I was hoping there had been a new president because the one I knew a year and a half ago when I lived in Colorado Springs was a mentor and a father figure to me. To my heart's pain, I opened the link and my world was turned upside-down. This was surreal. The worst part was that he had resigned his NAE post, and took a leave of absence from the church. He denied the claims, and I was shocked at the thought of what had just transpired.

I was "adopted" into Ted Haggards family while living in Colorado Springs as I attended New Life Church (NLC). I had learned a great deal about life from this man. He had mentored me, provided money when desperately needed, and was there to guide me through the questions and struggles of manhood. I dined at his house, and his son was one of my closest friends. I was content in Colorado and loved this Haggard family deeply!

At first, I knew something was awry the minute he left his posts so quickly. Ted Haggard was always being accused of something, somewhere, with someone who hated him for whatever reason. It was just something he dealt with, and nothing ever came of it. I knew that day (the day I read the the first article on the drudgereport.com), my life and his life would never be the same. Wow...was it changed--for the better though.

I still love this man, and what he has taught me will always stay with me. I am in no way angry or bitter toward his actions. I know it must have been inconceivably hard on him to have these thoughts and desires that were not natural to him. He must have felt shame and embarrassment every time he talked to his councilors to receive help and prayer. After so many years of dealing with the thoughts and feelings, walking in freedom, then feeling the same things he didn't want to feel, he stopped fighting, and the darkness "dominated" him.

I cried so many tears this week; not because I was so hurt by Ted Haggard, it was cause I hate it for him. It pains me, cause I feel his hurt and his pain cause I am close to him, close to his family, close to that splendid body of believers at NLC. I hurt cause the body of Christ hurts.

Not only did these events affect me, my dad informed me that another Pastor in Montanaa (a wonderful friend of our family) lost his fight with leukemia and went on home to be with Jesus. It broke my heart once again. A great man who stood firm and lived his life to the fullest!

Not only that news, I have a wonderful friend who has been fighting alcoholism and lost a battle with it this past week. I care about her so much, and know her heart, but failed to keep her from the evil stuff. She got drunk after a few weeks of being sober. She was put in that position through a friends invite, but I left her there at the party without any accountability. My heart broke again, and once again I cried and cried and cried. I care about her so much, yet I didn't stop her from her binge.

Not only that, I cannot get a hold of my friend in Europe who may or may not be pregnant due to some indiscretions that pain me. It hurts and hurts. Is this the pinnacle of pain? Perhaps, but I am reminded of what Jesus suffered and my pain pales greatly in comparison.

Though I am saddened, I am strengthened by my Father to know that He never fails and her never has left me. I have decided that there is only one thing that can protect my friends and loved ones from the things of this world that could destroy them is by prayer. I cannot protect a single person from anything. I cannot just step into my friends' lives and force them to change. Grace and mercy are needed when 'mess ups' occur, but prayer can totally prevent these things form happening.

Prayer is what is needed for my friends and Ted Haggard, my mentor. I will survive and am even flourishing as I write these words. I have a renewed spirit that beckons me to pray. I have prayed more this week for my friends and family than I have in such a long time. I have thought way too long about myself and wants, and that needs to change. I am human and more than able to do the most evil and stupidest things in my life, save the grace of Jesus.

I know this may be a bit long, but I want to conclude this with telling you how much I care about the things (even little, and stupid things) that my friends do. I will not abandon any of my friends. I will defend them, love them, care for them, and keep them honest. Most of all, I will pray even more for them and less for me. My life will be better off with prayer and focus on others.

To my friend who 'messed up:' You are wonderful and awesome. I love being friends with you, and keep fighting for your freedom from addiction to alcohol. You will win, and I will be cheering for you through the whole race and will celebrate with you drinking Mountain Dew at the end of the race when you win! Thanks for your friendship. You can never change my opinion of you--whatever you do.