Finally Back and Stonger Than Ever!

So I have been gone for awhile--had to get away and smell life once again. See, I have been hurt by people and friends and I still love them. I just needed time to digest and heal from wounds. If there is anything I have learned in life, it that people will always let me down. People will never be perfect and will fail. It's the nature of life. Sometimes we don't know when we will be hurt, it comes unexpectedly, yet God knows it is happening. God knows and allows it. It is my responsibility to respond correctly to such pain and hurt.

I know it hasn't been easy, but what is life--a beach with white sand and perfect temperatures where paradise is non-stop? Not even close. Life is work...life is pain...life is joyful...full of sorrow, and sometimes regret...full of adventure and exhilarating and life-changing experiences that are followed by dismal dismay and utter pain. Life is full of good and bad surprises. My mom told me that life is really 10% circumstantial--things that happen to me. And the other 90% of life is how we respond to the 10%.

I am convinced that God is more interested in how we respond to Him, people who annoy us, people who we dislike, and the rest of things we could not plan for. The journey is always more important than the final result. Though the destination is what we are moving towards, I believe God considers that nothing compared to us experiencing the journey of living life day to day. God is amazing and His love has captivated my heart. I have been beaten down and hurt by friends, but it has not destroyed me. I have been hurt, but the pain is gone. I have been tossed aside and kicked while down on the ground lying powerless, yet God has never once dropped me or once let go of His grip on me. God has not gone anywhere and neither Have I. I have just needed time to let God heal me up and trust that His love conquers anything.

I have strengthened my feeble knees and have been running a long race. I have gathered good people around me to help encourage me on the long journey ahead. God has never let me down. God has never left me. God has never caused me any pain. He has been my Healer, my Restorer, my Life, my Lover, and my Father. There is no task too great or too hard for me to go through as long as He is with me.

My mom also told me the story of the wolves. There are two wolves inside each one of us. A good wolf and a bad wolf. Each wolf is fighting for out soul. "Do you know which one is going to win", I asked. She said, "The one you feed the most!" I was astounded and perplexed. I had always assumed growing up that good wolf would always win, but it is not so. If I am feeding the the food he desires, then he will grow strong and vice-versa with the bad wolf. However, the food that I feed each wolf is completely opposite. Only only one wolf will win. I am making the best effort to feed the good wolf and starve the bad wolf.

Another thing I learned that has had a profound impact on my life was learned this past week. I had a new friend I have just met in England who shared with myself and others about faith. It goes something like this: It is not about how little or how much faith we have...it is the object in which we place that faith. E.G. If there is a lake that is frozen over with only a thin layer of ice, it doesn't matter what the amount of faith is that I have put in that ice--I will fall through the ice if I set foot on it. I could have the biggest faith in the world, yet it would be to no avail if the object of my faith is fallible. However, if there is a lake that has been frozen over with a few feet of ice and is definitely sturdy--even a mustard seed of faith is all that is needed to walk upon that ice. It is not the huge amount of faith or small amount of faith that makes the difference, it is the OBJECT of our faith that matters the most.It is where we place our faith that makes the difference now how much faith we have. This statement has been digesting inside me ever since I heard it. Becky Fong, who shared this, truly has an understanding of God I would love to know. Thank God she shared this. I am forever changed.

I will never stop chasing Him. I will spend myself for the lost and for those who need to be built up in Christ. My life will be lived for and spent for the Lamb's reward.