Freedom and friends!

So it has been too long since I have updated my thoughts on life. Too long since I have sat down to express what God has been doing in my life. I am ready to share a little bit now with more bits and pieces in the future. I promise.

So I am going to first start by sharing something that most people don't dare share. It's something that hurt me deeply and set my life on a course that God never intended for me to take. Yes, this world is a scary place with people who harm one another every day and have no hope cause they do not know the Hope for which they were called to.

When I was around 5 years old I was sexually abused by my Grandfather. I only recall it ever happening once, yet one time was all that was needed for me to grow up and struggle with things and feeling and issues in my life that were not 'normal'. My whole view of normal was skewed by that act alone.

A few years later, something not as as 'bad', but similar happened with my step-grandmother. Yes, those people are bad people and hurt me deeply. All I can remember since I could remember was shame, hurt, anger, rage and a whole host of emotions. I had always assumed life was this way.

I grew up as a a pastor's kid and had loving parents and a good environment, yet life wasn't right. I had been violated and hated that feeling. I never spoke of it and tried my best to forget the little I could remember. For 20 some years I have been living with this in my life. I have been always working my hardest to make God love me or something. Pain, and pain and more pain. Hatred, anger, rage and feeling of worthlessness and shame--oh the guilt and shame I felt.

But....

Now I am as free as a bird singing songs to the King on a perfect spring day! I have overcome and have been set free by the King! The anger and rage and hatred are gone, and instead forgiveness, joy and love have replaced it. I am tasting life for the first time or so it seems. I am not saying I haven't felt some semblance of freedom throughout my life. I have always had a strong desire to follow God and have broken through on other things, yet I knew there was this glass ceiling all around and I couldn't figure out how to get free.

God has shown up and I saw this vision after I was able to forgive and lose the shame and guilt. I was standing under a waterfall naked just soaking in the life and cleanliness of the water when some angels came and began to scrub me clean. It was a wonderful sight seeing the blackness of shame turn to a pure, whiteness of innocence. They placed a robe of white on me and Jesus arrived. He was holding a mantle or sash of some sort. He placed it over me and said, "This is the Mantle of Manhood. Now you are a man. You are now able to receive love properly and give love properly." I was so excited and knew I was loved.

No longer will I have to try and strive for love or attention--God will freely give it to me whenever I ask. And he has when I have asked sine then. I no longer am worried about finding someone who will love me in spite of me--cause God has loved me already and He alone will give me a mate whom he deems right and worthy. I am not worried about that at all. I am singing and loving life on a whole other level. I never knew life could be so sweet.

You know, I had a thought about everything that was stolen from me and how the last 20 odd years have been wasted. It was only a thought cause then I remembered how God will redeem the time and the next 40 or 60 years of my life will be blessed and is blessed 100 fold. God doesn't waste anything. I know my future is secure and God is providing me more than I can ever imagine. He has already blessed me with a friend who has really challenged me by her lifestyle and character to keep chasing Him. What an amazing God. Who is this King of Glory? the LORD strong and mighty. So open up you heavenly gates and let the King of Glory in.

If you are reading this and are looking for your freedom--CHASE HIM! Never stop chasing Him--NEVER!! You will catch Him or should I say He will catch you! Thank God He is God or we would all be in pain and hurt without hope. He has set me free and now He is calling me to help others find their freedom in Christ, and I have answered that call. AMEN and AMEN!